Lisa Aldin, “Dante Enters the Tenth Circle of Hell: Shoe Shopping for a Toddler,” McSweeney’s

“Midway upon the journey of my life
I found myself within a shoe aisle in Target,
For the toddler’s sparkle unicorn shoes had been lost.
Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
What was this shoe aisle savage, rough, and smelly,
Which in the very thought renews the fear.

The way resumed my journey away from
The dollar bins and past the toy aisle,
Which never yet a living person left.
And lo! almost where a tantrum began,
My toddler spotted the stuffed animals,
After I hauled ass and made some airplane noises,
Steering the cart away from a stuffed panther with wild abandon,
My toddler’s lower lip ceased to tremble.

Behold the beast, for which I have turned back;
Do thou protect me from the snack aisle, famous Sage,
For she doth make my veins and pulses tremble.”

–Lisa Aldin, “Dante Enters the Tenth Circle of Hell: Shoe Shopping for a Toddler,” McSweeney’s, August 18, 2022